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Reader,

With Valentine's Day approaching, I've been reflecting on something… I’m surprised I get asked about this in my work as a decision engineer: relationship decisions.

"Should I stay or leave?"

"Should I move across the country for them?"

"How do I know if they're the right one?"

These questions always remind me of an important truth: The big decision to commit is just the beginning. What makes a relationship work isn't just about "making the right decision" - it's about "making that decision right."

Think of it Like Steering a Ship, Not Shooting an Arrow

With an arrow, you get one shot at the target. Get it wrong, and you miss completely.

But relationships are more like navigation:

• You set a course toward your destination
• You'll hit rough waters and storms
• You make constant micro-adjustments
• You keep returning to your true north

Marriage isn't just that one "I do" moment. It's the thousand tiny decisions you make every day to honor that commitment. To show up. To choose each other. To get back on course.

Speaking of Big Decisions...

This reminds me of the best piece of advice I received when planning my own wedding (a process that involves approximately 1,000+ decisions!):

“Pick the top 5 things you care about. Simplify decision-making for the rest.”

As a decision engineer, I love this framework because it acknowledges two crucial realities:

1. Not all decisions deserve equal mental energy
2. Decision fatigue is real, and we need strategies to combat it

For our wedding, here were my non-negotiable priorities:

1. Venue capacity: Space for our dear family (105 people just from our immediate families!) plus friends
2. Stanford Memorial Church: A place I'd admired since my undergraduate years that became part of our story
3. Giant dance floor: Because what's a celebration without room to move?
4. Color scheme: Deep crimson red, ivory, and antique gold
5. Fun atmosphere: The overall vibe had to be joyful and celebratory

Everything else? I adopted what is called a "satisficing" approach – good enough is good enough.

The Broader Lesson

This approach applies to both wedding planning and marriage itself. In both cases, success comes from:

• Knowing your true priorities
• Being willing to adapt and adjust
• Understanding that perfection isn't the goal
• Making consistent choices that align with your values

Your Turn

Whether you're:

• Making decisions about a relationship
• Planning a major life event
• Leading a project at work
• Or navigating any complex situation

Remember: It's not about making one perfect decision. It's about making a series of intentional choices that keep you moving in the right direction.

Try this reflection exercise:

1. What are your current "true north" priorities?
2. Which decisions deserve your deepest attention?
3. Where could you adopt a "good enough" approach?
4. What micro-adjustments might help you stay on course?

Wishing you clarity in your decisions and love in your life,

Michelle

Want to explore more frameworks and tools for better decision-making?

Here are three ways to dive deeper:

• Listen to my podcast Ask a Decision Engineer​
• Follow me on LinkedIn and ask questions in the comment section of my posts (I answer everything)
• Explore my self-paced Decision Toolkit for Personal Decisions + other courses.

Ready to bring these frameworks to your team?

If your organization is looking to help leaders make better decisions with less stress and more clarity, I'd love to design an interactive workshop or keynote for your team. Popular topics include:

• How to make better, faster decisions as a team
• Overcoming decision fatigue: What to do when you're completely spent
• Facing a big decision? Why you shouldn't use a pro/con list
• Making good decisions when you don't have all the information you need
• How to be a better thought partner in decision making
• Stop agonizing, start doing: How to know you've made the right decision

If you're interested in booking me for speaking, feel free to send me a reply here.

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